Wednesday, 12 February 2014

Maurice Jackhammer begins his investigations

People, the time you've all been waiting for is here! Welcome to Maurice Jackhammer (pictured left) Investigates, what is soon to become the world's no.1 review blog. For those of you that don't know, many years a young, hardboiled detective went rogue. That detective's name....Maurice Jackhammer

You may be wondering just who this Maurice Jackhammer character is. If he really is the fount of wisdom and knowledge that legend claims he is (and he is), then why haven't we heard more about him, why is he not listed amongst the likes of Tony Blair and Lou Ferringo, why is there no biopic of him in the IMDB top 250?! 

Well, I'll tell you. Maurice Jackhammer has been busy. Very busy indeed. No stone has been left unturned, no back alley dumpster has been left unrummaged, no tramp's cardboard bed left unsniffed. Maurice Jackhammer has been gathering answers, wisdom nuggets if you may, on what makes this world worth living in, and some of the things that will simply make you want to gouge your eyes out. This blog is the crystallised and distilled piss stream of knowledge that has sprung forth from Maurice Jackhammer's golden urethra. 

Every week some of the Gospel of Maurice Jackhammer will trickle its way across the concrete towards you, information that the Great Man himself has risked his life to provide. Maurice Jackhammer has reviewed every thing, nothing escapes his beady eye and we intend to bring his analysis into the glorious light. What you want reviewed, Maurice Jackhammer wants reviewed, chances are he already has and is already knee deep in his next, thrilling report. Films, books, Arabian coffee, video games, the world's most noxious of toxic waste dumps, you name, he's reviewed it. Our crack team of writers have painstakingly gone through the journals the Jackhammer has left us and we think the world is ready. This being said, we are exceptionally bad judges of character, but this is beside the point. We would bother to include a health warning on this blog, but the truth is the moment you clicked on this link you were exposed to the wisdom of Maurice Jackhammer and you'll begin to find out if your mind is strong enough to handle this pure, concentrated blast of knowledge. Watch this spot, denizens of the internet, Maurice Jackhammer is Investigating, will you open your eyes to the truth

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